Curse you, Phil Mickelson!

Phil Mickelson in commercial: “If you have painful, swollen joints, I’ve been in your shoes.”

Dammit, Phil! Get out of my shoes! You’re making my joints hurt!!! …and what the hell kind of disease do you have on your feet that causes my joints to hurt!!?!?

Seriously, guys? Swords would be less painful.

Boromir and Aragorn have a poetry-based pissing contest…

“Then let us start as soon as it is light tomorrow, if we can,” said Boromir. “The wolf that one hears is worse than the orc that one fears.”

“True!” said Aragorn, loosening his sword in its sheath. “But where the warg howls, there also the orc prowls.”

That’s an actual quote from The Lord of the Rings (a bit before the fellowship enters Moria). I kid you not.

It’s like Dr. Seuss briefly took over for Tolkien. WTF.